Even the happiest, healthiest couples in the world fight. Actually, conflict can be a good thing in a relationship when it’s done the right way. If you know “how to argue” effectively, it can strengthen your bond and bring you closer as a couple.

But, what do couples actually fight about?

There’s no way to pinpoint exactly what people are arguing about in a relationship. Chances are, most of the things you fight about with your partner are very personal and specific to your relationship.

With that being said, there are a few subjects and areas that tend to plague couples, no matter what. Understanding what they are can help you work through some of the common obstacles that cause arguments.

Finances

It should come as no surprise that money is one of the most common sources of contention in a relationship.

Everyone has different ideas about money. Some people are savers. Others are spenders. Some want to prepare for their future while others are more frivolous with their paychecks.

Unfortunately, those differences can often lead to arguments. Unless you’re able to come up with some kind of middle ground for the finances in your relationship, it might always be a problem.

Communication

Healthy communication is essential to a healthy relationship. However, everyone has different communication styles. When two people get together with differing styles, it can create problems.

You might not like or appreciate the way your partner communicates, or vice versa. Even your tone of voice or attitude could cause an argument.

One of the best ways to improve your communication is to use “I” statements rather than placing all of the blame on your partner. Additionally, make sure you’re an active listener. It’s easy to voice your opinion and express your needs, but if you’re not listening to your partner do the same, it’s likely to create an imbalance in your relationship that could lead to resentment.

Responsibilities

In addition to people having different communication styles, everyone is raised differently. Your partner might have grown up in a household where they had certain responsibilities. Or, maybe they didn’t have any.

Whatever the case, coming from different backgrounds can sometimes make it difficult to delegate who takes care of certain things in your relationship. You might get irritated if you’re the one always taking out the trash. They might feel frustrated if they have to handle the bills every month.

Transparency about your responsibilities can make a big difference. It can help to calm these conversations and set specific duties for each person. But, it’s not always that easy when you’re trying to get used to a completely new lifestyle.

Family Issues

As the old saying goes, when you marry someone, you’re also marrying their family. Of course, even if you’re not married to your partner, you’re going to have to deal with certain aspects of their family (and vice versa).

Ideally, you and your partner like each other’s families. But, that isn’t always the case. Part of it may be the families’ fault. Maybe they cross boundaries or don’t respect your needs. But, if you allow that to happen, it will take a toll on your relationship and undoubtedly lead to multiple fights.

Obviously, three are countless things couples fight about. But, these are some of the big issues that tend to circulate through relationships again and again.

If any of these issues sound familiar, choose to address them head-on with your partner. They don’t have to de-rail your relationship, and they can often be worked out if you’re both willing to commit to solving the issue.

Reach out if you are ready to move your relationship to a healthier state with couples therapy.